little wonders September 12, 2009

Today’s a good day, got many things sorted out (: Most urgently is my IS that has to be submitted *gasps* by monday! I’m so glad that the entire journey of having to write it is coming to an end; it was fun at times, you know those crazy discussions and pouring over Mr Brown posts and podcasts… It was hard getting down to writing it but it’s 90% done now and I’m soooo proud of all that I’ve done (: Could it be a rite of passage? I have no idea but I’m happy that I had the opportunity to do this (I bet the some other KI ppl disagree) Yeah, we’ve suffered quite a bit of battering from our peer’s and teachers’ criticism but we still made it through! (:

8 weeks, 8 weeks, 8 weeks… I gotta be focus on the race that lies ahead and do my bestest for it! (:

I’m sooooo proud of my pressie for Kat, hope she likes it! (:

I’m happy for all the friends I’ve got and especially happy when they surprise me when they remember the little things… sometimes I don’t even remember saying or telling them those things! Thanks for remembering me and giving me those nudges of encouragement that push me to go farther and build those extra strands of confidence in what I can do; the little things count for a lot when you put them all together and they’ve played a ginormous role helping me become the person that God meant me to be.

God uses people to help us through; you might not know it but that smile or those kind words mean a lot to someone who might be suffering inside. They might never show it but those caring gestures count for something, we might never know the impact of our actions but let’s continue doing it anyway; what’s another smile to the person you see along the corridor every day but you’ve never spoken to, or asking the girl sitting all by herself in the crowded chapel how she’s doing? You might just be the one to brighten up someone’s day! (:

I had an interesting conversation with a friend yesterday on appreciating the people who do work and get little recognition or appreciation for it. The aunties who clear our plates and bowls at the food court, the cleaners who clear up our messy classrooms after us, the security guards etc… What about smiling at them and chatting them up the next time to find out how they are? They really appreciate it! (: and I’ve got my makeshift librarian friend to prove it I gotta be brave and overcome this ridiculous pride of mine to do it!

I’m off now, gotta do what I gotta do… I shall overcome! (:

<3

Imma gonna tell you what I need September 9, 2009

By Jamie’s request, I am going to continue blogging. Wasn’t planning to initially, but how can I refuse her? (:

Baby please believe me when I tell you that, I need a girl; so come on pretty lady won’t you holla back, I need a girl; I’m a tell you what I need; I need a girl that’s goin’ be my baby, so if you love me say “I’m your baby”; so fine I go “that’s my baby”, so if you need me say “you’re my baby”…

I’m loving this song! <3

imperfections September 5, 2009

It’s moments like this when you realise that you don’t need a lot of people around you to make you happy; just one person will do, a really really good friend (:

I’m glad that I have such friends and I will never let them go, hope they feel the same way about me too. (: It’s such a blessing to find these people who love you for exactly the way you are without you having to put on a show or pretending to be someone that you’re not.

All the walls fall down, imperfections laid bare, nothing to shield their eyes from who you really are…

Love is simpler and less complex than I ever thought; it’s acceptance in the face of ugliness, imperfections, faults and learning to be vulnerable in the presense of each other.

I’m blessed to have found it, albeit in the strangest way; I never deserved it or even asked for it, it just happens to me. Nevertheless, I’m am truly blessed and favored by God. Love doesn’t only belong to the beautiful, talented, wealthy or popular, even as the world propagates such ideas.

“She’s so ugly, how can he even love her?”

“What was her husband thinking when he married her?”

“He’s not good enough for her.”

It seems like only the most beautiful are deserving of love and everyone else doesn’t stand a chance. I wonder why we’re so quick to judge on who can love and who deserves to be loved, it isn’t fair.

Yeah, the hot girls/guys are always the first to get attached and all that but do they ever find true love? Looks attract, but can the relationship sustain? That is the question.

In any case, in my imperfections and ugliness, I think I’ve found true love from my caring and thoughtful friends and some family members. It’s the quality of the friendships, never the quantity…

It’s in these moments I feel like crying and, I have to admit, it’s not easy to make me cry; I can’t even make myself cry at my saddest, I guess it’s only a certain few people who can :S

I should be getting back to studying now, byes! (:

I need you like water, like breath, like rain; I need you like mercy from Heaven’s gate. There’s a freedom in your arms that carries me through, I need you…

September 3, 2009

hates the way I’m meant to be alone *sighs* this isn’t fair

first impressions September 2, 2009

It’s funny how much can happen within a day. What a difference a day made, indeed… haha

Other than fiddling with my IS and chatting for FAR too long on msn, I went for my aunty’s bday dinner! (: She’s so unlucky, she met an accident on her bday. Apparently the guy was texting while driving, didn’t see that her car had stopped at the traffic light and practically rammed into the back of her car! ): Thankfully, no one was seriously harmed though my aunt’s ear is swollen from the impact of the bump. ): That dude’s going to pay for the damages; he’s only like 24 and from NUS. Poor thing’s gotta use his father’s insurance to pay for the damages, I can pretty much imagine the dressing down he’s going to get from his dad! Then again, he shouldn’t have been texting while driving…

Met my cousin’s new gf for the first time yesterday. Trust him to have good taste I think I figured out his type now: tall, athletic, sweet disposition, intelligent, stylish, friendly… She’s the only gf that any of my cousins have brought home that actually bothered to initiate a convo! (:

I swear my cousin’s nicer to me when she’s around! Sighs… Things they do to impress their gfs; show that they care about the youngest girl in the family to demonstrate they have a softer side to them… She should see him while he’s playing WOW! (that was a real long time ago, now he’s addicted to facebook) I hope it works out, they’re so sweet together! (esp her, sorry couz)

Ok… I think there was a reason why I stopped going on msn and I’m going to stop again ): It’s so addictive and I’ve been unable to control myself again! Yeah, trust a leopard to change it’s spots… -.- blogging’s my home now, satisfies my talkative nature without having to feel nasty about shutting down convos too hastily due to having to stick to a strict time limit (sorry, I really don’t mean to)

I had a strange dream yesterday. I was with Christabel in school again and we were supposed to make burritos out of instant noodles with a special machine, then we were at the Singapore flyer and everything else’s pretty hazy… I wonder what it’d be like if we could live our dreams in real life; I’d love to see myself with Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen jump from a lush green hill into the field below and frightfully remain completely unscathed. Spending a weekend with them would be a dream haha!

Cuz he ain’t no different from you, and she ain’t no different from me,
so we got to live our dreams like the people on TV

We gotta stay tuned, cuz there’s more to see, through the technical difficulties; we might have to take a break, but ya’ll know we’ll be back next week, I’m singing this love is unbreakable…

I love Alicia Keys <3

recollections September 1, 2009

I’m still here alive and breathing; isn’t that the most important sign? Good thing intense studying hasn’t killed me yet and my head’s still above water.

Read the first few chapters of “love walked in” and I’m completely blown away by the creative use of language; the use of vivid descriptors are far beyond anything I could have formulated in this little head of mine. If only my writing could be so elegant and lively… If I had more time, I would psycho-analyse the use of the language, pour over ever metaphor and all the references made to “famous” people whom I’ve never even heard of…

I feel so detached from the world; there’s so much happening that I’m blissfully oblivious to. I can’t stay this ignorant, I have to get out there and really live life, grabbing everything that it has to offer…

I chanced upon a wall post on the facebook profile of my best friend from p2, it says she made it into Cambridge! I was stunned, to say the least, I mean who wouldn’t be? Someone you’ve known way back and you used to be better/smarter/more popular than her has now overtaken you and is pretty much making you feel like an unaccomplished idiot. She left to go to hong kong in p3 and all contact stopped when we were p6; even trying to talk to her on fb doesn’t really work because she doesn’t reply…

Yeah, she’s moved on and is really doing well for herself, I guess I knew that she had in her to excel way beyond me. I think I can recall a conversation my Chinese teacher, Guo lao shi, had with both of us when we were still giggly 8 year old star wars fanatics.

Looking at our end-of-year result slips, guo lao shi glances up at both of us. I scored 271/300 while she scored 272/300, despite the fact that I had been doing consistently better that her especially in math, but Chinese was clearly my Achilles heel (nothing has changed haha) and I think she took the lead from there.

(I’m translating the convo for the lack of the Chinese input system and for the sake of those who are hopelessly bad at hua wen)

“Wow, your scores are pretty good”

“Yeah”, we both grin at each other.

“I think you two are both smart but I think Vivien is smarter. Look, her handwriting is nicer than yours.” Lao shi muses glancing at me.

My 8 year old self is too innocent to be able to understand the implications of that statement, I just got put down but I still smile cheerily at my teacher. Thank God for making me so accepting and having a high tolerance for unpleasant statements or maybe it was me being plain blur and clueless about what was happening…

Alright… My handwriting WAS ugly, I think almost all my teachers before and after that complained and one even wrote in my report card one semester, “Stefanie is a nice girl but her penmanship needs to be improved.” How’s that for a young girl’s self-esteem?

Things have changed since then; every thing’s in constant flux you know. The person you used to bully in primary school could now be lording over your head now; the person who was your best friend doesn’t talk to you anymore; the person you had a major crush on doesn’t mean a thing to you anymore… But perhaps with the bad, there was some good: you became stronger, overcame your fear of water; made somebody else fall in love with you; made better friends and through your mistakes grew into a wiser, more patient person… Anything could happen and it’s still happening…

Cambridge or ACJC isn’t the end of the road yet, we still have our lives ahead of us. Clearly, I haven’t done as much as her but I’ll live my life and go my own way.

Ahh… A levels are coming up and my mom’s been pushing me really hard. “Momentum’s your friend,” she says. I gotta get going and my reminiscence will stop for now, but I’ll be back I promise (:

Hold your own, know your name and go your own way

beginnings August 31, 2009

First day of the week of new beginnings, I’m nervous but I hoping and trusting that the Lord will provide. I’m so scared to start living out on my own and standing on my own 2 feet, but I gotta do it and learn to depend on myself.

Sunshine through my window, that’s what you are, my shining star; sunshine, making me feel I’m on top of the world, telling me that I’ll go far…

It’d be nice to have someone to unconditionally love and be there for you always; sometimes God feels incredibly far away and it’s really lonely on the inside. As much as I want to find those friends, people are human too; they have lives, responsibilities and their own needs… I’d be so selfish as to ask for people to always be there for me!

It’s alright to ask for some attention occasionally but I’m not going to make myself entirely dependent on it. God, help me to rely on you completely and wean me off the ways of this world; I’m far too addicted to it. ):

Argh… Stef’s becoming a hermit ): Wish me all the bestest, I’m off to clear up the warzone (aka my desk)

grandma, grandma, grandma… August 30, 2009

Verdict on today: interesting.

Fellowship Sunday: Hanging out at Disneyland (aka Justin’s home). I cabbed there thinking that I’d be late but, as it turns out, I was the second person to arrive after Joey… -.- Everybody else arrived like almost half-an-hour later! ): Oh wells… I got more play time in the palace (:

Ruth led bible study today. She asked us to reflect on our lives and think about the goals that we set in the beginning of this year: one new year’s resolution and one thing that we wanted to surrender to God. I have a lot to think about…

I love the people in my cell group and how they are so loving and accomodating. Being rather shy and reserved, I usually hold back from initiating conversations. They were really great, most of them made the effort to talk to me and find out how I was, you know talking about the usual like studies, uni plans, the usual encouragement… I was kinda surprised but pleasantly so, I really enjoyed their company (:

Bought teachers’ day gifts, I’m planning on writing notes to all my teachers! (: I’ve had so much favor from all of them; I think I’m one of the few with one-on-one consultation and they always try to initiate deeper conversations with me to find out how I am, it’s almost like we were friends on the same level. I’m so incredibly blessed and favored, and I have no idea why… In MG, one could say that I was mostly overlooked but now teachers start noticing me like crazy and it’s not like I’m particularly special or outstanding… I wonder why sometimes, but in the meanwhile, I’m enjoying the special attention and trying to make the most of the extra help they give me haha

Popo’s bday is today so we went to goodwood park to celebrate! The entire family, except ming, was there. The food was great but the company and fun we had together was unforgettable. All the different families did a special item for her, mostly singing. My mom made my bro and I sing “happy birthday” in cantonese. We had to practice like crazy and I could never seem to get the pronounciation right ): But we did a great job, I reckon that popo’s smile was the widest at ours… but then again, I’m biased As long as she’s happy, I’m happy. Mom said that for old people the best thing to hear is words of appreciation from others because it makes them feel like the lives that they have lived have been worthwhile. I’ve never been particularly close to her but I guess I’ll try to learn to love her more (: Happy birthday popo (:

Mom doesn’t like me being here, so I’ve got to go.
Bye peeps, hope you have a blessed week ahead (:

reasons to wait August 29, 2009

I’m back from a day of hanging out with Kat and I’m physically and metally exhausted… Her company was great being able to just talk about anything and everything, being with her is sooooo much fun! (:

Guess I’m tired because of the things that have been happening to me; prelims was a bummer and I have a seriously loooooong way to go, I’ve been having flu/fever/cough since last Sunday, IS is due on monday and other unresolved issues that I desperately need to deal with…

But if there were  some words of comfort, I think it is all about learning to wait because it’ll be all over soon. I might be suffering now but it’s in His hands, as it comes and he leads. I’m just going to do what He wills me to do right now and trust that He will provide all that I need to fulfil His will in my life. It’s going to be an uphill challenge from now onwards, but I’m going to push forward and try to achieve what I was called by Him to do. There’s a lot that I’m putting aside and I’m definitely upset about it, but if there was anything that God taught me through the lessons He’s been teaching me, it’s that there is a time and place for everything; it will come when He wills it come and His plan is always better. Although I might not be able to see the big picture right now, but I’m praying for the faith to trust in Him and to persevere in straining towards the finish line. (:

Instances where God taught me to wait

1. To wait that extra minute longer before applying that second coat of nail polish; painting it too early messes up the first layer and MORE time would have to spent cleaning the entire nail and repainting it from scratch! (thanks kat for talking to me about this one)

2. To wait for 2 years to buy “History Boys”. I’ve always wanted to buy the DVD since I was sec 4 but it’s always been too expensive or simply unavailable. Today, I got it at $9.95 at gramaphone!!! (: This is despite having searched for it there before and to no avail, and stuff at gramaphone being generally expensive…

3. Likewise for this point. Waiting for almost over a year to buy “love walked in” and for resisting the temptation to buy it a few weeks ago at popular (that was just before prelims). The copy I found a year ago at borders was pretty old and dog ear-ed and the copy I found was way nicer and the cover was prettier! haha

4. To wait for my scab to heal completely without sratching it,  so there’s no scar! (:

5. To wait for better friends to come along to befriend and now I have an awesome bunch and I stayed away from bad company who could have otherwise led me astray…

6. To wait and be patient with a particular someone, because when she blossoms, she really blossoms (:

7. To wait and not let first impressions cloud my judgement because things are always better and deeper than they seem

I guess you’d probably have gotten the gist of what I’m trying to say. So I’m going to wait and be patient for God’s perfect timing; in the meanwhile, I’m going fix my eyes on Him and strive towards doing what He wills (:

you give me fever… August 26, 2009

I’m having a fever of 38.5 degrees and I’m still up and about on the computer… I feel fine, honest! What’s with having a moderate degree fever  and still feeling perfectly normal? I’m confused haha

I’m used to having body aches and being tired when I’m having a fever, but uh-uh… None of the above! I’m perfectly fine and I have that chem mcq to study for tmr and prelims will be over, forever! (:

I’d better get back to studying now, wish me all the best (:

loves cf <3

loves valentines day <3

loves pretending to be drunk, great job sophie <3

loves the new comm <3

loves WUTS <3

loves camwhoring, right mich? <3

loves friends <3

loves andrea and ian <3 and... my hair in this pict :p

loves CO and all friends in it <3

loves kat and unglam photos <3

loves shamini <3

loves cf comm and bendy thumbs <3

loves jamie <3

love ya <3