I’ve been wondering lately why there there are so many changes taking place around me. It feels so queer that all these changes are happening so quickly, so fast that I can barely take it all in. My mom told me today that in 6 years I am going to start working and in 10 years I’d be getting married…
Freaky, eh…
I think of all these wonderful changes and the impact they have on my life. Whether they are good or bad, I welcome them because the good can make me glad and the bad can only make me stronger. Looking at things with the “half-full” perspective is so much better… Also, I thought that these changes are good for me because I’ve been living in a bubble for so long that I was protected from so many things, that is what real life is like. It’s good to be finally exposed to them, but I am extra cautious when I deal with them.
I wonder why I’ve become so bo chap these days that nothing seems to be able to affect me. It’s as though I’m neutral all the time. I’m not nervous around boys, I’m not nervous collecting my ‘o’ level results, I’m not nervous when talking to new people… It’s as though I stopped caring about all these things that are happening around me and I’ve got no more emotion left in me… I wonder why…
Anyway, I’ve been pondering over my choices on which JC to go. Some say go here, some say go there and now I don’t know where to go… It’d be nice going somewhere where I can grow, serve God, make wonderful friends, enjoy happy experiences, learn tons of good lessons… I pray that I’ll make the right decision as to where to go to in order to fufil God’s will… I so badly want to do it all for Him, but sometimes these self-centred prideful thoughts get in the way of my decision-making and I can’t stand it! There’s nothing else I can do but pray and pray about it.
Nevertheless, I thank God for all His goodness that he’s showered upon me. Going to PJC was actually a blessing in disguise. I remember after getting awful prelim results, I cried like crazy after that and my self-esteem was at rock bottom… God helped me to my feet and to persevere on towards the ‘O’ levels. I am grateful for his help and that I made a large improvement in my scores.
Going to PJC was a tough at first, both physically and mentally. As PJC is in Choa Chu Kang, I had to wake up at 5.30 a.m. every morning to get to school by 7.30 a.m. as I have to take not only the bus, but also the MRT and then the bus again. Waiting for the bus and MRT to arrive takes a long time, but the walking also takes quite a while too… Initially, it was exhausting but I managed to get used to it. I remember for the first week of the year, everytime I came home, I would sleep for 3 hours straight! Even my mom complained that I had been sleeping too much! Mentally, going to PJC wasn’t a happy choice for me. I remember every morning when I get on the MRT at Buona Vista, there’d be AC people getting off… Seeing them going the school that I wanted to be in, but could not be in was exceedingly painful… Sometimes, I wanted to just not go the PJC and just join them, but, of course, I resisted 
The good parts about PJC was that I made many friends here and learnt so many things that I would not have even heard of if I had stayed within my comfort zone in a Methodist school. People here were generally caring and friendly, so making friends was quite easy for me even though I had to make the effort to approach them. After a while, I grew more and more comfortable talking with complete strangers without being self-concious or afraid. That, in itself, was a great surprise to me because I used to be so shy, shy to the extent that I’d flush red if anyone outside my small circle of friends spoke to me… It was definitely byGod’s grace that I learnt to be brave and more self-assured. Furthermore, PJC provided the opportunity for me to try out new things. Like Drama, for instance. My audition was a total disaster, I had to act as Fergie in an impromtu skit titled “When Fergie meets Britney”. I had to sing and push “Britney” off the “stage”. I won’t go into the gory details that would probably get anyone to burst out laughing, but from that day on I decided that I had nothing to lose but all to gain from trying new things… I was glad when the one of the seniors, whom I met on the MRT the next Monday, said that she thought I was brave… Even though I embarrassed myself thoroughly that day, I know gained much from the experience and I thank God for it.
I thank God for the friends I made here too that they were so friendly, kind and accommodating for putting up with my nonsense, lame jokes and all… We shared some good laughs at the expense of the only 2 boys in my class. 08S06 rocks!!
I shall rejoice for the Lord is good and his love endures forever! He keeps his promises and will never leave or forsake us… I love you Lord… Thank you for all that you have done! Thank you that you meant all things for good and you want the best for me… Thank you Lord for all you’ve done…
